Getting Help
By Sam Draper
"When asked about their preferences for living arrangements, it should come as no surprise that many of our parents would like to remain in their own homes. If this is the case with your parents or aging loved ones, then you may be faced with how to go about making this a viable option. Bringing in outside help is frequently NOT a choice that many older folks are agreeable to, in spite of the obvious need. They often think that help is not needed and that they are very capable of managing on their own. Understanding that their perception of any outside assistance is often seen as a threat to their independence is foremost. My experiences helping families with coming to grips with these issues have left me with some ideas and suggestions that you may find worth a try.
Suggest hiring a caregiver to manage some household chores. Often times this is seen as less threatening to a loved one's independence and will serve as a means to "get the caregiver in the door". Place the emphasis on getting help handling the heavy housework such as vacuuming and bed linen changes. Or suggest help with food shopping, travel to Dr appointments, and other errands when driving is no longer an option. In this manner, you might have your parents accept help they would not have otherwise been agreeable to. Your hope is that they will see the value in having assistance and develop a trusting relationship with their caregiver.
In many families, your conflicting role as the child and family caregiver thwarts your well-meaning attempts at helping your parents. The basis for your actions should not be confused by misguided guilt. Therefore do not take their rebuttals personally or offensively, but rather focus on a necessary means to an end."*Edited from an article By: Clare Absher RN, BSN
I found the above suggestions to be most informative. There are several more and if the reader would like I would be more than happy to share them. My mother is 90 years of age and Macular Degeneration has left her legally blind. She also has many of the physical problems that trouble most seniors her age or younger. The advice given by Nurse Absher was most helpful in our being able to get Mom the help she needed which in turn allows her to remain in her beloved apartment. It also allows my wife and I the opportunity to share time with her that is not filled with Doctors appointments and errands. It is a "WIN-WIN" situation for all concerned.
By Sam Draper
"When asked about their preferences for living arrangements, it should come as no surprise that many of our parents would like to remain in their own homes. If this is the case with your parents or aging loved ones, then you may be faced with how to go about making this a viable option. Bringing in outside help is frequently NOT a choice that many older folks are agreeable to, in spite of the obvious need. They often think that help is not needed and that they are very capable of managing on their own. Understanding that their perception of any outside assistance is often seen as a threat to their independence is foremost. My experiences helping families with coming to grips with these issues have left me with some ideas and suggestions that you may find worth a try.
Suggest hiring a caregiver to manage some household chores. Often times this is seen as less threatening to a loved one's independence and will serve as a means to "get the caregiver in the door". Place the emphasis on getting help handling the heavy housework such as vacuuming and bed linen changes. Or suggest help with food shopping, travel to Dr appointments, and other errands when driving is no longer an option. In this manner, you might have your parents accept help they would not have otherwise been agreeable to. Your hope is that they will see the value in having assistance and develop a trusting relationship with their caregiver.
In many families, your conflicting role as the child and family caregiver thwarts your well-meaning attempts at helping your parents. The basis for your actions should not be confused by misguided guilt. Therefore do not take their rebuttals personally or offensively, but rather focus on a necessary means to an end."*Edited from an article By: Clare Absher RN, BSN
I found the above suggestions to be most informative. There are several more and if the reader would like I would be more than happy to share them. My mother is 90 years of age and Macular Degeneration has left her legally blind. She also has many of the physical problems that trouble most seniors her age or younger. The advice given by Nurse Absher was most helpful in our being able to get Mom the help she needed which in turn allows her to remain in her beloved apartment. It also allows my wife and I the opportunity to share time with her that is not filled with Doctors appointments and errands. It is a "WIN-WIN" situation for all concerned.
